So I finally broke down tonight and emailed several Dentists about the tooth I broke about 2 years back. I've babied it but have still managed to get a sever cavity in the tooth. I just feel so worthless for asking for charity from anyone like that. Well I guess it really isn't' charity. I offered to work in the office as payment. I'd try a payment plan if we could afford it but with both of us still out of work that's nearly impossible. I don't even know how we've managed to pull through the last few months. We wouldn't' be married right now if my mother hadn't stepped in and helped us out in the end. I'd just deal with it until we found something but the pain has gotten to the point where it hurts to swallow. I may just end up having it pulled. It will look funny since its my left bottom canine but I can manage looking silly just as long as the pain stops.
I keep getting discouraged. Every time we think we'll pull out on top something gets pulled out from under us. I feel as though I'm cursed. We finally got out of the nasty apartments and into a nice house only to have Reggie lose his job. I got the job of my dreams and just when I was starting to enjoy it and get good at it, it ends. And now every time we think that something just might go our way, everything goes to hell in a hand basket. I don't' know what to do really. I'd ask for help from the church but I'd feel horrible since I haven't been in so long. I need to start going again. I know I do but its so hard when you know that you need to save every last drop of gas for Reggie in case he gets that interveiw or incase I get called for a babysitting job or interview and the church is so far away. I really just feel like I've been abandoned. I know he's suposed to challenge us here on earth but at one point isn't it suposed to get better? Aren't you suposed to earn some time when the challenges aren't so burdoning? I'm at my wits end. I'm crying again when I should be happy that I'm with the most wonderful man god could allow me to have. And just when I think that blessing will pull me through something else goes wrong. I'd like to say atleast it can't get worse but I know it can. I had a control on my depression and ever since I lost my job in october I keep slipping further and further and I find it harder to bring myself back up. I feel so lost.
I apologize for putting this out there for all of you to read but I needed to get this off my chest.
Thoughts and memories on Our marriage as we wander down the road of life.
It will get better. You have to just trust that it will. And it may not happen in the time frame you have in mind. I have been through some rough stuff and wondered how I ended up there. But I always knew things would get better. That's the only way I was able to make it through.
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