left out

Some times I look at my friend's pictures of their kids and find myself yearning to have what they have. Don't get me wrong my six furry babies keep me busy but its not the same. I want to hold a baby in my arm and see them smiling back at me. I want to see a little being grow up fast and look just like her father. I want to watch them crawl and walk and talk. I feel like they all belong to this club that I may never join. I know everyone keeps telling me to stop wanting a baby so badly and thats when it will happen to us but they don't understand. The only thing I've known for sure in this life time is that I want to be a mom. I want to know the joy of waking up every four hours to nurse and be drained the next day at work. I watch it happen around me with my friends and even though they say its the worst you can tell they love being a parent. I just hope that I don't end up disappointing Reggie some how if I can't have children. I shouldn't say that. I've been blessed with a vision of my baby girl. I know I'll have her some day but I can't help wanting her to join our family NOW! Yes you read that right. I've seen my baby girl. I wasn't asleep I was mediating when I saw her playing on the ground with her toys. Blond hair Brown eyes and she looked just like Reggie. I felt the joy of a mother when I saw her there smiling up at me. I know its silly but I hold on to that image each day close to my heart. Soon I keep telling myself that. And I guess since no one really reads this that will leak info....yes Reggie and I have started trying. Stupid I know since we really aren't financially ready but both of us feel like if we wait too much longer it will not happen.